The natural instinct when something isn’t working is to fix it. And in order to fix something, you first need to know exactly what the problem is—and then figure out how to go about the repairs.
People are always trying to fix things. Some are foolish enough to think they can fix other people. Others try to fix machines, relationships, economies, or even society as a whole. Everyone seems to have an idea on how to make something work better.
See a car broken down on the side of the road, and suddenly there’s a group gathered around, peering under the hood, each person armed with their own theory on how to get it going again. Or someone locks their keys in the car, and everyone’s got a trick to get them out—though, to be honest, I’m not sure if that’s even a thing anymore. Maybe I’m showing my age.
But lately, I’ve noticed something broken that I have no idea how to fix: the way people relate to each other. Not within families or close circles, but out there in public, in the way we behave toward total strangers—particularly on the road.
I get it. Everyone’s looking for a parking spot, sometimes there aren’t enough, sometimes people are late and stressed, and tempers flare. But what’s shocking is how quickly a small mistake—a slight delay at a green light, a misjudged merge—can escalate into full-blown rage. I’ve traveled through parts of Asia with some of the most chaotic traffic in the world, and I have never seen the level of anger and aggression I see here in Australia. And it’s not just men. I have encountered my fare share of very angry females on our roads. You see cars speeding up behind you, drivers throwing their hands in the air because you’re not going fast enough, people going into an absolute fit because you crossed an intersection in front of them. This can be terrifying for some people who use our roads.
And it’s not just irritation—it’s fury. People running each other off the road, smashing windows, jumping on car hoods, throwing punches. And when you really step back and look at it, the level of rage is so wildly disproportionate to the so-called offense. I have even heard of instances where people deliberately follow someone who created a minor traffic infringement just intimidate them.
I don’t know how to fix this problem for anyone else. But I did sort of fix it for myself. Yes, I confess, I used to be a tad impatient on the roads once upon a time.
I decided to adopt a simple rule: Assume people are good. Assume mistakes are just mistakes. Sure, every now and then, you’ll run into an actual asshole. But why should I let them ruin my day? Why should I let them make me angry? What’s the point? All that happens is I get tense, my face wrinkles, my blood pressure spikes, and for what?
So, I started practicing what I like to call the Buddhist driving technique—a kind of road mindfulness. It sounds a little wanky, maybe a little self-righteous, but believe me, I’m no spiritual guru. I just realised that getting angry in traffic is dumb, not very sexy, and disproportionate to the shit that some pople live through each day.
I mean, really—out of all the things in life to be furious about, this is what we’re losing our minds over? Someone merging in front of us? Someone else taking the parking spot we wanted? Is this where we’re choosing to spend our energy? It’s most probably a symptom of living in a country that is so well off, beautufully regulated and so damn easy for most. Maybe we just create uneccessary drama to make life seem exciting.
So here’s what I do now. When someone cuts me off, when someone drives too slow, when someone makes a mistake that might have once made me snap—I hit the chill button. I wave, I smile – not the Jack Nicholson Shinning kind of smile – I let it go. And you know what? Over time, I actually started to feel calmer on the road. I wasn’t racing to beat anyone. I wasn’t carrying tension in my shoulders. I was just getting from point A to point B in the most peaceful way possible.
Here is another thing to consider – we do not know what’s going on in someone else’s life. Maybe they just come from the hospital where there is a family member gravely ill. Maybe they just forgot to indicate; not because they are a bad person, ill intended or narcissistic, but purely because they forgot. The best thing you can do it to show forgivness.
I don’t know if anyone else has tried this Buddhist driving approach, but I swear, it makes the whole experience better. For you, for other drivers, for everyone.
So next time you’re in traffic, try it. If someone’s driving slowly in front of you, just chill for a minute. Wait for an opportunity to pass. No need to ride their bumper like a lunatic. If someone swoops in and takes the parking spot you thought was yours—yeah, it’s an injustice. But in the grand scheme of actual injustices happening in the world, we’re doing pretty damn well here in Australia.
Take a breath. Let it go. Find another spot. And maybe, if you feel like it, you can calmly say, “Hey, I thought I saw that spot first. But I’m not going to fight you over it.”
Because honestly—why would you?