Am I a good person?

Almost every day, we hear comments about someone’s character, typically referring to aspects of their goodness or lack thereof.  

From birth, our upbringing aims to mould us into good people, threatening punishments for non-compliance and delivering patronizing praise for doing good deeds.

Many raised in Christian households believe that heaven’s gates are open only to the good, while the wicked are doomed to hell. Indeed, humanity has long relied on religion to promote virtuous behaviour. Thankfully, we learned that God forgives our occasional sins. This forgiving nature means you can become good again if you were once bad. However, as the influence of religion wanes, we are left to consider other values and virtues that define goodness.

Here is a question for you:  Are you a good person? I’m not asking if you’re a law-abiding citizen; instead, I am asking you to delve deep into yourself and consider whether you embody goodness in your everyday life. I wonder what criteria you use to define what constitutes a good person.

In this blog post, I will briefly explore the historical perspectives on being a good person and provide some criteria for self-reflection on your goodness. This kind of self-reflection is essential as you strive to become a better version of yourself. 

What defined a good person 2,000 years ago significantly differs from what defines a person in today’s age and era. For example, someone who kills and skins an animal to wear its coat, or participates in a killing and raping invasion, would not be considered a good person in today’s world. 

Greek philosophers like Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle emphasized virtues such as wisdom, courage, and temperance, which are intrinsic to a good life and moral character. Aristotle, in particular, discussed “eudaimonia,” a term often translated as happiness or flourishing, which he believed is achieved through living a life of virtue.

Over the centuries, this perspective broadened with contributions from various cultures and philosophies. The Stoics introduced the idea of living by nature and reason, valuing inner peace and resilience. Christianity and other religions brought forth the concept of moral absolutes, emphasizing compassion, humility, and the Golden Rule. In modern times, ethical theories such as Utilitarianism and Kantian ethics have further diversified our understanding of goodness, focusing on the consequences of actions and the importance of duty, respectively.

This evolution reflects a shift from virtues tied to societal status and roles towards a more universal and inclusive understanding of goodness that emphasizes individual actions, intentions, and the impact on the well-being of others.

In today’s world, being good is considered a blend of personal integrity, ethical behaviour, and empathy towards others that transcends cultural and historical boundaries. This view values behaviours such as altruism, kindness, and the capacity to understand and share the feelings of others. A modern good person is seen as someone who acts with consideration for the welfare of others, makes ethical decisions in challenging circumstances, and contributes positively to their community and society at large.

However, a notable contradiction exists in today’s world regarding what constitutes a good person. Society often determines the value placed on individuals by their financial contributions or material success. This mindset leads to a scenario where being a good person is equated with being a proficient breadwinner, a lucrative asset to a company, or a prolific salesperson. This perspective underscores broader societal hypocrisy, where the intrinsic virtues that traditionally define goodness—such as kindness, environmental stewardship, social justice advocacy, and dedication to truth and fairness—are at times overshadowed by economic achievements. So, a potential partner you wish to marry may be frowned upon if they have no gainful employment but work as a volunteer caring for older people in a home. 

Despite this, the behaviours and traits traditionally associated with being a good person are increasingly crucial in fostering a compassionate, fair, and sustainable world. People highly regard acts of kindness, environmental stewardship, social justice advocacy, and dedication to truth and fairness. As our global society becomes more interconnected, the significance of empathy, respect, and ethical conduct in addressing complex global challenges has only grown, emphasizing the need to reconcile these traditional values with contemporary measures of success.

Self-reflection about one’s goodness is challenging, primarily due to biases that cloud our judgment.

Cognitive biases, such as the self-serving bias, lead individuals to attribute their successes to internal factors and their failures to external ones. This results in a more favourable view of oneself. Confirmation bias makes us favour information that supports what we believe is good and ignores evidence that contradicts it.

The complexity of modern life and societal norms can also make it hard to distinguish right from wrong, making it difficult to clearly understand our actions and intentions. For example, extenuating circumstances may lead to bad behaviour as a matter of survival.   To overcome these issues, we must be open to new ideas and sometimes brave enough to face hard truths about ourselves.

Several strategies can be beneficial to reduce bias and improve the accuracy of understanding one’s behaviours and actions. These include talking to a trusted friend, keeping a diary focused on specific actions related to aspects of goodness, and varying the times and days for reflecting on your actions – mood varies and can heavily influence self-perception. Considering your behaviour under different emotional states ensures a more balanced and comprehensive understanding of yourself.

These approaches offer a robust framework for minimizing bias in personal reflection. These simple steps can help you take a step back and assess your actions and behaviours more clearly, leading to more accurate and unbiased reflections.

Below is a checklist designed to guide your reflections on whether you are a good person. You can use the scale to assess how frequently you engage in behaviours that reflect goodness. The scale ranges from 1 to 5, where:

1 = Never

2 = Rarely

3 = Sometimes

4 = Often

5 = Always

Reflect on each statement and honestly rate yourself based on how often you exhibit each behaviour.

Honesty

1. I tell the truth, even when it is difficult.

2. I admit my mistakes openly.

3. I keep my promises and commitments.

Compassion

4. I actively listen to others without judgment.

5. I help those in need without expecting anything in return.

6. I empathize with others and try to understand their perspectives.

Integrity

7. I maintain my principles, even when pressured to compromise them.

8. I make fair and ethical decisions, even if they are not in my favour.

9. I stand up for what is right, even if it is unpopular.

Responsibility

10. I take accountability for my actions and their consequences.

11. I manage my duties diligently and responsibly.

12. I strive to rectify my wrongdoings towards others.

Respect

13. I treat everyone with respect, regardless of status or disagreements.

14. I value others’ time, space, and boundaries.

15. I engage in constructive and respectful communication, even in conflicts.

Generosity

16. I generously share my resources (time, knowledge, or material goods).

17. I celebrate others’ successes without envy.

18. I willingly forgive and let go of grudges.

Self-Improvement

19. I seek feedback to improve myself.

20. I invest time in learning and growing personally and morally.

21. I reflect on my daily actions and their impact on others and myself.

Note that this checklist serves as a personal growth tool, not a definitive measure of one’s character. Its design aims to encourage reflection and self-improvement.

Unfortunately, being a good person does not guarantee a life filled with happiness and success. The challenges and uncertainties of modern life often demand more than just good intentions. However, possessing core values such as kindness, integrity, and empathy, which define a good person, can provide a strong foundation for building a fulfilling life.

If you tend to think negatively about yourself, feeling that you’re not good enough or that you’re an impostor, it doesn’t mean you’re not a good person. It means your self-perception is flawed or out of sync with reality. The fact that you are investing effort into improving is proof of your goodness.” We are never perfect, and mistakes are all part of the journey.