You are thousands of feet in the air, a captive audience to the vast expanse of sky and ocean outside your window. Yet, inside the cabin, a different kind of turbulence unfolds. Behind you, a young boy, about 10-12, battles with his tablet, trying desperately to connect to the in-flight Wi-Fi. Each failed attempt intensifies his frustration as he oscillates between tears, anger, and helplessness. He kicks the seat in front of him and hurls the tablet at his mother, who responds with a mix of worry and calm, apologizing and calling for an air host. This scenario isn’t just about a lack of internet; it’s a dynamic that speaks volumes – a mother, possibly single, trying to balance comfort and discipline, and a child may be grappling with the absence of a father figure, assuming a role too mature for his age. There is probably some conditioning at work as well. The child was perhaps given a tablet and headphones to wear whenever the mother engaged in social situations, so the child may never have developed appropriate social skills.
I am no expert, but this situation made me think about what parents can do to prevent and manage such scenarios in an environment where leaving isn’t an option for immediate escape.
Minimise the chances of a drama.
There are some things that can be done to avoid the drama in the first place. Here are some suggestions:
1. Early Expectation Management: Discuss the possibility of limited internet access before the flight. Avoid creating unrealistic expectations about the journey so the child does not accuse you of false promises.
2. Always Have a Plan B: Encourage your child to think of alternative entertainment options in case of no internet access. Include books, puzzles, or drawing materials in their carry-on.
4. Instilling Coping Mechanisms: Teach your child how to manage disappointment and frustration with techniques like deep breathing or counting.
5. Pre-Flight Screen Time Reduction: Gradually decrease screen time in the days leading up to the flight to lessen the dependence on digital connectivity.
6. Discussion on the Value of Disconnection: Explain the benefits of occasionally being offline, emphasizing the chance to explore, think, and engage with others.
7. Boundary Setting: Set clear boundaries for in-flight behaviour. Make it clear that disruptive behaviour is unacceptable, but do so empathetically.
8. Seat Selection: Choose seats that will be most comfortable and least disruptive for your child, like window seats away from busy aisles.
9. Discuss Airport and In-Flight Behavior: Explain the importance of good behaviour in these settings and the consequences of not adhering to these rules.
10. Create a Routine or Schedule: Establish a simple flight routine, including times for snacks, movies, and rest.
Managing the meltdown
1. Stay Calm and Collected: Your calm demeanour can have a soothing effect on your child. As soon as the parent gets all wound up and tense, the situation worsens for the child. Be the version of yourself that models what you want from the child.
2. Understand the Trigger: Identify what might be causing the behavior. Is it boredom, discomfort, or anxiety? Maybe the tablet has been a constant companion for years, and suddenly, they must go without. Understanding helps you manage with empathy and kindness.
3. Quietly Address the Behavior: Discuss their behaviour in a low, calm voice. Focus your comment on the behaviour and give them an alternative to do. You don’t have to overdo the low-pitched voice, but if you have a high-pitched voice, definitely do not start screaming. Public reprimands might exacerbate the situation, and when done in a high-pitched voice, it’s gonna piss the other passengers off as well.
4. Offer Comfort and Reassurance: Sometimes, a child just needs to be held or spoken to soothingly to calm down. On a scale of one to 10, not connecting to the Internet is not exactly the worst thing that could happen right now. The plane falling out of the sky will be much worse. Obviously, do not use this example to try and calm your child down.
5. Redirect Attention: Introduce a new activity or suggest looking out of the window to distract them from their frustration. You’re gonna have to get creative here because quite often, when someone’s having a meltdown, and you suggest they look out the window, they might punch you in the face. Maybe a well-timed to low aroma fart might be just what the doctor ordered.
6. Empathize with Your Child: Show understanding and acknowledge their feelings. This can help them feel heard and understood. The trick is not to do this in a patronising way that makes the child feel like a mutant.
7. Positive Reinforcement for Good Behavior: Praise and acknowledge when they control their behaviour or engage positively. One tactic will be to pay attention to them when they doing the right thing and withdraw your attention when they doing the wrong thing. Sometimes, we feed bad behaviours by giving them too much attention. I know this is hard to do when your child is having a meltdown on a plane.
8. Quiet Activities: Encourage quiet activities like colouring or reading, which can be soothing. I’m not sure 10 to 12-year-olds enjoy colouring or reading that much. Maybe play Mozart. It might have a calming effect.
9. If someone offers unsolicited advice, don’t lose your shit. Stay calm. Remember, you are a role model to your child. Telling other passages to fuck off is definitely not advised. The problem only gets bigger.
Concluding Thoughts
Managing a child’s behaviour on a flight, especially when upset over internet access, is about more than just discipline; it’s about understanding, empathy, and teaching coping skills. It’s a challenging yet rewarding journey of growth and learning for both parent and child. Remember, these suggestions are general advice, and consulting a professional may be beneficial if there are concerns about a child’s behaviour.