The invasion of the narcissists

Do you believe we live in an era where many individuals possess an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement yet lack empathy for others? Have you ever labelled someone a narcissist? If so, what grounds did you base your judgment on, and what prompted you to use this label? Was it merely because they did not conform to your conventions or idealized ways of living, because they disagreed with your viewpoint, or because, at that moment, they exhibited a narcissistic trait?

Are we really in the middle of an epidemic of narcissism, or are we simply living in an era where labelling someone as a narcissist has become a fashionable catchall for behaviours amplified by the digital age and social media?

These days, it seems that the planet is teeming with little narcissists. Everywhere you turn, someone’s ex is a narcissist, their boss is a narcissist, and even their cat is exhibiting unsettling signs of grandiosity. But let’s stop for a moment and ask—do we grasp what narcissism is? Or has “narcissist” become a one-size-fits-all term for anyone who dares to not live up to our expectations or, heaven forbid, disagrees with us?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a complex condition, diagnosable only by professionals who’ve spent years understanding the human psyche. Yet, in this digital age of armchair psychology, we seem to have a simplified diagnostic process whereby Google-qualified experts with a propensity for overreaction label anyone who does not agree with them or wants to control what time they want to sleep or does not want another drink as a control freak and a narcissist.    

The prevalence of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), a more severe form of narcissism diagnosed by mental health professionals, is estimated to be relatively low, affecting a small percentage of the population. However, when people discuss “narcissism” in a cultural or societal context, they often tend to refer to narcissistic traits that can be present to varying degrees in many individuals.

Several factors contribute to the perception that narcissism may be on the rise:

The rise of social media platforms has created environments that encourage self-promotion, comparison, and attention-seeking behaviours, which are associated with narcissistic traits. Some argue that this can foster or amplify narcissistic tendencies among users.

Changes in societal values towards more individualistic and competitive behaviours and traits associated with narcissism. Cultures that value self-expression, success, and personal achievement may inadvertently encourage narcissistic behaviour.

Some theories suggest that certain parenting styles, such as those that overemphasise their child’s success and specialness or lack sincerity, warmth and realistic feedback, might contribute to the development of narcissistic traits in children. Typically, these are prevalent in parents driven by guilt in their parenting style, so they overcompensate.

Increased awareness and study of narcissism in psychology and popular media have made the concept more widely discussed and analysed. This heightened awareness could contribute to the perception that narcissism is more prevalent, even if actual rates have not changed significantly.

What is concerning is the number of people who feel entitled to label another person a narcissist. We must question what is behind their motivation to do so in the first place.

Accusing others of being narcissistic might happen for several reasons:

Some individuals might project their traits onto others. Projection is a defence mechanism where people deny their negative qualities by attributing them to others. So, in some cases, a person who frequently calls others narcissistic might be projecting their narcissistic traits.

 People might label others as narcissistic without a complete understanding of what narcissism entails. In contemporary discourse, terms like “narcissist” can be used loosely to describe anyone who appears selfish or self-centred without regard to the clinical criteria for NPD. 

 In some cases, individuals might accurately observe narcissistic traits in others, especially if they have been educated about or have personal experience with narcissism. The observed traits, however, do not necessarily mean that the person they are observing is narcissistic.

Some might label others as narcissistic in response to behaviours that seem overly self-centred or lacking in empathy, which are hallmarks of narcissism. This reaction might be based on specific interactions rather than a general tendency to see narcissism in others.

I like to imagine a future where we approach each other with curiosity rather than with the certainty of a label. A future where “I think you might be a narcissist” is replaced with “I’m trying to understand where you’re coming from.” It’s a shift from a culture of quick labelling to one of slow, deliberate understanding.

Are most of us qualified to use these labels? Probably not. But we are capable of listening, learning, and leading with empathy. So, before you diagnose your neighbour, your partner, or your pet cat with narcissism, maybe take a step back. Reflect on the complexity of human nature and consider a more compassionate approach. After all, we’re a little bit quirky and misunderstood and need patience and understanding.

Ultimately, it’s not about ditching the labels entirely but using them wisely and remembering that behind every label is a person, not just a set of symptoms. So, let’s slow down the labelling machine, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll find a way to connect with others in this age of supposed narcissism. Remember, labelling other people demonstrates a lack of empathy; this is one of the traits of narcissism. I feel a boomerang thing happening here.